Sunday, May 3, 2009

Hooshetto Central

Last night Mr. Monkeygirl and I stumbled across the breeding ground for Hooshettos.  We weren't looking for it and we didn't really think it was located so close to our home.  

What exactly is "hooshetto", you ask?  It is more than an attitude, it is a way of life.  In order to become 'hooshetto' you have to remain committed for a very, very long time.  It isn't something that you can easily turn on or off.

'Hooshetto' is a delightful combination of a Hoosier (and not the Indiana kind) and a ghetto lifestyle.  Words can not accurately describe the horror of what we witnessed last night. Alcohol was involved but, seriously, these people need to get a life.

Things started out normal as we met our friends at a local bar. Then the freak show started.  Girls in matching outfits. I mean identical outfits.  I haven't wanted to wear the same thing as my friend since I was about 12 years old. There were couples groping and making out in the corner.  Not just towards the end of the night, but all night long and every chance they got. And apparently it was contagious.  It was isolated to one couple at one table at first.  Then it spread to the other couple at the table.  From there is just got worse, spreading from table to table like the swine flu. It was disgusting to watch but like someone said - it is kind of like a train wreck, you just have to watch. 

The floor show was even better. We also got treated to an excellent imitation of a vintage Anthony Kiedis hair swinging, rockin' it dance.  Some  - ahem - gentleman's clubs hold amateur hours and I think some of the girls thought they were trying out for a permanent position.  I applaud their ability to let go and enjoy themselves but this one girl was out of control!  She started off early in evening with a solo dance.  Dancing by yourself is okay, but generally, it is more acceptable to do this while the band is actually on stage.  Her sexy (and I use the term loosely) move - put your hair in and out of a ponytail. Did I mention that she appeared to be badly in need of a bath and a decent haircut?  She had a little too much too drink (duh!) and many of her 'patented' moves caused her to fall on her @$$ on the dance floor.  She acted like it was part of the show and just went right on back to her own little world.

The drama in this place was a little too surreal.  I seriously can't make this stuff up. The high school dance-like groping was just part of the fun.  The conversations in the women's room were priceless.  Something about someone's half-brothers half-sister doing something was a little too much to try to comprehend.

The band rocked (as usual) and we had fun, but I will always be on the lookout for hotbeds of hooshetto activity in our area.  If this keeps up, we might have to move!


NV said...

LMAO. Love the "white trash" label.

sewwhat? said...

TMI for your mother to read! Hope you were just a spectator! I take it you were.

Where was this place? Do I need to check it out?

Mama Martha said...

How funny! All we did was go to Hobby Lobby for 50% off a rolly bag. But I got wheels!

MonkeyGirl said...

NV - It was white trash redefined!

Sewwhat? - On the grounds that I may incriminate myself, I refuse to tell you where it is. And I'm appalled that you even asked if I was involved! My mother raised me better than that!

MM - Congrats on the wheels!